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| WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TURN ON A LIGHT? |
As the finale for The Killing was winding down, I was chuckling to myself. This ludicrous season was being capped off in the most ludicrous way possible, with the evil politician being brought down after our brave hero cops decided to go back to the scene of the crime and found evidence to convict, evidence that could have been found the morning of the ki– sorry, The Killing, but apparently wasn’t given a second thought during the two torturous weeks our bumbling protagonists had been investigating the case.
Earlier in the episode, the cops decided to check out the car that Rosie Larsen had been found in, and lo and behold, there was evidence! This was the first time in 13 episodes that the cops had decided to check out the car. As this was unfolding, I laughed and laughed.
Meanwhile, the subplots we were watching this season were ending in hilarious fashion as well . . . the grieving dad met the girlfriend of that dude he nearly killed, and she didn’t recognize him even though he was at the center of the city’s most covered investigation. We watched as the grieving mom decided to bail on her family because she realized she had influenced her daughter to do crazy stuff (or something…Lord, that was awful.)
But in the final 10 minutes, The Killing became epic in the annals of TV stupidity.
You see, as our cop boarded the plane to get with Her Family That We Never Cared About, she received a call revealing that her partner had faked a key piece of evidence. Here’s the thing: The only way she would have found out is if her partner had gone ahead and done that thing that he could’ve easily lied about doing. Only he did it. Because….WHAT? HAHAHAHA
That’s right, folks. The season-long mystery of The Killing that was the only reason anyone still watched? It wasn’t solved. The only reason millions of people tolerated this pile of crap, the central mystery, was not solved. Instead they decided to betray their only interesting character (who was only semi-interesting) and blue-ball the entire audience. Amazing. It’s like if the creators of Lost had decided to abandon lots of their central mysteries and strand everybody in a magical church. OH WAIT CRAP.
This season of The Killing was a better parody of AMC’s programming than any SNL sketch that could be written. EVERY SINGLE SCENE was filmed in the dark, in the rain, with everybody glowering, and red herrings popping up every second with no purpose. This is the kind of show I could see the Memento Guy loving; On a segment-by-segment basis, it was sorta kinda decent. But if you were to, you know, actually think about the mystery (which, frankly, I thought the show was encouraging), it’s a hot mess.
If you love to laugh, buy the DVD of The Killing when it comes out. Or just get the Criterion release of Stanley Kubrick’s “The Killing,” a noir-mystery film that’s approximately 9 trillion times better than AMC’s The Killing.
Jesse Is Terrific 
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Quotes that leave me wondering “Is Jesse Perry a Hilarious Comedic Writer or a Burgeoning Psychopathic Serial Killer”!:3. “the cops decided to check out the car…and lo and behold, there was evidence”. -I haven’t even heard “lo and behold” since my granddad passed back in ’96, not to mention the spelling of “lo” is just plain funny!2. “Blue-ball the entire audience”. -OK this one isn’t psychopathic, but damn if it isn’t just plain wholesome fun. I laughed!1. “If you love to laugh, buy the DVD of The Killing when it comes out.” -These are the kinds of words that the Police uncover ten years from now and leave in the Police Report with the notes: “There were signs all along of his subtle departure from reality. If only we had noticed sooner.” Thanks for the laugh Perry!